


Control

by Vaderfanboi



Category: Black Mirror: Bandersnatch (2018)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Medicine, Other, Paranoia, fluff if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-02-02
Packaged: 2019-10-20 22:20:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17630762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vaderfanboi/pseuds/Vaderfanboi
Summary: Stefan comes to you in a panic, hoping you would understand what's haunting him. You really want to understand but you want your friend to be okay, more





	Control

**Author's Note:**

> uhhhh its gonna be very obvious I'm American so sorry bout dat

There were three sharp knocks at your door. It felt more like pounding in your head but you got up to see who it was regardless. Three more knocks. You were hungover and it was early morning, about two hours before you usually got up. Without bothering to look through the peephole, you opened the front door of your flat to see your old friend, Stefan Butler, shaking and pale.

“Stefan, mate, are you alright?” You asked, wiping the sleep out of your eyes.

Ignoring your question, Stefan pushes past you. “(Y/N), I don’t know how to explain this to you, but I’m not in control” He was shaking very intensely, now. You had though it was just the weather but you could now see he was in some sort of shock. 

This wasn’t the first time you had seen Stefan so paranoid. All throughout your school years together, he had been very jumpy. “Have you been taking your pills, love?” You asked, not trying to accuse him of anything. You walked to your kitchen where you put some water on the stove to boil. Stefan followed you, clutching a book to his chest.

Slamming the book down on your counter top, Stefan caught your attention. “Didn’t you hear me? I’m not in control? I couldn’t take them if I wanted to. Someone is making me toss my pills” Stefan said. He was holding his wrist, firmly as though he was trying to hold it back from moving. “Stop that! See? They’re making me want to tug at my ear!” He screamed and you rushed over to calm him. Stefan had always had a nervous tick where he pulled at his lobe, and he was always doing it. 

Holding his face in your hands, you hushed him and made him look you in the eye. His demeanor instantly shifted and you saw some calm enter his features. “Hey, I’ve got neighbours you know?” You said, taking his ear lobe between your own fingertips and lightly tugging. “There, now no one has to make you do anything. I’ve done it for myself” You waited until he was fully relaxed before removing your hands and going back to fixing tea. 

“You don’t know that” Stefan mumbled under his breath. “Someone could be choosing what you say and do and you don’t even recognize it because it’s all you know” He started playing with the pages of his book, anxiously as you waited for the kettle to whistle. 

“And? I don’t mind, so long as they don’t ever dress me in those parachute pants I keep seeing” You chuckled to yourself.

Stefan was getting antsy again. “But that’s the thing, they could. And how did you even come to hate the pants? They could have programmed you to have opinions” You placed tea bags in two mugs as he spoke.

“You’re really hung up on this, yeah?” You asked, feeling more concerned for your friend. Stefan nodded and stared at his hands. “I used to get that way, I would get really bent on the whole ‘stuck in your fate’ thing. It fucks with your head like nothing else, I get it” Behind you, the kettle steams, alerting you that it’s ready to be poured. “It’s really scary, but then I remember that if someone wanted me to do something bad, I’d have killed some poor fuck by now” You poured the hot water over the teabags and asked Stefan if he wanted any sugar. He asked for some milk so you grabbed the pitcher for him and continued, “I get bothered on the daily, but I’ve been able to constrain myself this much. Clearly, I’m in control” You handed Stefan his tea and sipped at your own. 

Stefan took a long sip from his own mug and then picked his book up. The cover read, ‘Bandersnatch’ on it which you hadn’t noticed before. “This book says otherwise” He began to explain. “The idea is that the characters in the book think they are in control of the adventure, and so do you when you read it, but it isn’t either way. Some people think it’s the author, Davies who’s in control, but he knew better. Someone was in control of him too” 

“So what?” You asked, tired of this conspiracy so early in the morning. 

“So nothing we do is really us. Doesn’t that scare you?” Stefan began to worry himself again.

You tried to understand where this was actually coming from. You knew a lot about Stefan. You knew he had a rocky relationship with his dad and a difficulty opening up to others, and you also knew that his mother passed away when he was really young and that he blames himself for it. “Stefan, this isn’t about the integrity of our being, this is about control” You concluded. “You’re feeling vulnerable because you haven’t got control over everything but that’s okay” You were trying to pacify him but it wasn’t working.

“No, you still don’t get it” Stefan was getting incredibly frustrated, now. 

You were also getting upset. He came to you in the first place. “I think I do. You want control? Take your bloody meds” You spat, unthinkingly. Guilt was already setting in.

“I tried! They won’t let me!” He was yelling again but you didn’t try to stop him this time. “They make me do things- say things, I don’t want to! I said no to Mr. Thakur and I screamed at my dad! I’m screaming at you and I don’t want to, I hate this!” He resumed shaking and you could see tears welling in his bright eyes.

Taking the book from Stefan’s hand, you embraced him. He fit in your arms perfectly, you just hated that your rare hugs had always arisen from the worst of circumstances. “It’s okay. I get it, you don’t want to be manipulated. That seems like a reasonable request” You hushed him again, rubbing your hand on his back while he sobbed into your shoulder. “You’re gonna get through this, Stef. I know you are” You felt Stefan let go a bit and pull away.

His eyes were puffy and his whole face was red from crying. It really pained you to see him go through this. “I’m so sorry, (Y/N)” Stefan said through his sniffling. 

You shook your head, telling him there was nothing to apologize for. “Just tell me how I can make this easier for you” Stefan always thought you looked so pretty when you took care of him like this. He tried to let the thought pass but it festered and soon he felt a deep adoration for you. It was similar to the feeling he got before he was compelled to do something by whomever was controlling him but different in that he felt like this decision was made on his own accord.

Before he could stop himself, Stefan leaned down and pressed his lips to yours. You nearly jumped from shock but you kissed back, instead. It was almost like an instinct that you couldn’t explain. When the kiss ended, you both looked each other in the eyes, completely dumbfounded. “I hope you’re wrong and that we’re alone right now” You said, still a bit stunned.

Stefan nodded. “Yeah, me too” He agreed, feeling in control of himself again, even if only for a moment.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Should I make this into smut? I just might


End file.
